Control
by EmmaBoleyn12-01-94
Summary: Marians life was always in her control, her father or any man never pushed her into anything, when the sheriff came he took away that control, now alone in a cell, in the middle of the holy land, Marians battle for that control bubbles over.


Control

**Control**

**From Marians POV set during the series finale, everything in both series happened. This might be a bit confusing, its an argument shes having with herself, all her doubts and insecurities against the more logical, cold adult**

Just eat it

_No_

What's it matter, the sheriff wants you dead anyway

_That not the point, they cant win_

They don't even no there's something for them to win

_That is not the point!_

He gave it to you, he said "you should"

_I'm sick of being told what I should do_

He cares

_I don't want him to care_

You do

_I don't_

He never gave up on you

_Hes the reason I'm in this mess now_

Who?

_Gisbourne_

You sure?

_Yes!_

Not Robin

_What! Whats he done_

If he loved you would he have made himself an outlaw

_If guy loved me would he have burned down my home_

Perhaps he wanted you to need him

_I don't need anyone_

You'll end up all alone

_Yeah cos theres just loads of people here_

That's not what I mean't

_You don't say_

Don't be sarky with yourself

You can't sulk with your self either

This is so childish, Marian

_I am a child_

_Well kind of_

You want to be married

_I have everything I need_

So that's why your chain to a wall sitting on some rickety bed in the basement of the sheriffs house in acre, silly me, I would have thought having everything you needed would included someone who cares

_I have people who care_

Robin, Guy

_Robins dead_

Dead

_Don't repeat everything I say!_

I am you, you're the one repeating yourself

_Everythings changed, hasn't it_

Yes

_Thanks for the support there_

You've pushed away your support, you push away anyone who cares about you

_Like who?_

Robin, Guy, your father

_I didn't push him away, not really_

He'd still be here if it weren't for you

_It wasn't my fault_

_Entirely_

_Maybe a bit_

What did you say-ashamed

Bet he's dead proud of you now

_Well he can't be alive proud can he_

_I just want him back…_

You can't have him back

_Oh really, I hadn't noticed, I was just waiting for Vasey to post him through my window!_

Punishing yourself isn't going to bring him back

_Well theres no one else to hurt_

That's why you do it, isn't it

_What?_

You want to get caught

_Don't be so ridiculous_

You do, you want to feel all the pain, you want to let all your anger be overwhelmed by the wrath of everyone around you

_That is the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard, I'm not about to make myself some sort of martyr_

But you want to hold the reigns

_What? I'm not on a horse._

You know what I mean-take control

_I am in control_

What-by starving yourself

_I don't-_

Don't say I don't starve myself, I've seen you

_Theres nothing to see_

To right there isn't, your wasting away

_Tosh!_

What is it because your not taking regular exercise, do the beatings make up for it

_Beating?_

That's why your"cutting down" isn't it

_I don't need to cut down!_

No you don't

_What?_

You feel like someone else is taking over don't you

_-_

You try to fight it, but they don't listen, do they?

_-_

They try to pass you off to any one, they force you out of your home, they practically eradicate your title

_I don't care about some stupid title_

No, but you care what people think

_No I don't_

You do, you try not to care, everyone looking at you, frowning, judging you

_People who judge have never faced a Jury_

But it still hurts, doesn't it

_Nothing hurts!_

But it does, it must, your still young, your alone, you need a husband

_Come on, you sound like Gisbourne_

He's right, you need to feel safe

_I do feel safe_

That's why you like awake at night, for hours, till the morning sun comes shining through

_I'm a light sleeper_

Light sleepers don't usually wake up drenched in sweat and shaking like a leaf

_I do what?_

Your scared, that's why you appear so strong, so wilful, so independent. That's why you built up that wall of ice, to protect yourself, your not the child of your youth, carefree and innocent

_I am innocent! I'm no whore!_

But your mind isn't, is it, you want to feel loved

_I am loved_

Can you ever be loved

_What's that supposed to mean?_

How can you love another, when you don't even care for yourself

_I do care_

But you can see your wasting away

_I am not wasting away?_

So did the clothes become to big overnight, did the sleeves of your dress become long to keep you warm?

Or where they there to cover up

_To cover up what, exactly?_

The past

"_To cover up, the past" what are we, the fairy convention_

And your insecurities

_Insecurities! Do I look like some drunkard wreck_

Yes!

_Oh thanks for the confidence, you should try talking to the sheriff, sure you'd get along fine_

But that's what you hate most isn't it

_What?_

You think if you hadn't been so wrapped up in losing Robin, your father would have paid proper attention to his job, and would still be sheriff, as it is you have totally cocked everything up!

_Its not my fault!_

No, but you think it is, that's why you push yourself, you want to be punished.

_No, I want to be in control!_

_I will not cry! I will not cry!_

You will

_I won't, I can con-trol this!_

**Please review, even just to say how much you hated it**


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